Well now, what’s this? This is a series I started on an older blog of mine, and luckily I kept the script
and images so it can be revived here now. Be forewarned that this isn’t going to be a “segment”, but I may
do one more set of these someday with the Gold/Silver era, since that was the last Pokemon game that
actually piqued my interest. For now, let’s take a look at some of the suspicious characters from the
Red/Blue/Yellow games!
Now growing up, Pokemon was one of our biggest pastimes. I recall losing about 100 hours of my life
trying to fully beat Pokemon Blue, and I can’t forget all the additional time I spent playing Pokemon
Pinball and Pokemon Trading Card Game on Game Boy. And let’s not forget about the real life trading
card game that everyone was into back then. Sure, these games were fantastic, but nowadays,
Pokemon doesn’t stand up so well for me anymore. We’ve now reached the Black & White games, which
brings the Pokemon count to a staggering 646, which is ridiculous, in my opinion. Of course, you don’t
have to face all 646 Pokemon in one game, but they’re starting to get less and less creative with them.
Pokemon Gold/Silver were the last amazing Pokemon games in my opinion, and I also should give a
special mention to the Heart Gold/Soul Silver remakes. Anyways, that’s not the focus of this article.
Let’s look at the crazies in the Pokemon world!
Nurse Joy
Ah, Nurse Joy. Who knows if that was her actual name in the games themselves, but she was Joy in the
TV show and that was all that mattered. She was sweet and caring on TV, but did anything ever strike you
as odd about what she says in the game? We hope to see you again! That one line that was missed by
everyone. Why did we go to Pokemon Centres? The answer is: because some jerk who was better than you
mopped the floor with you and your precious Pokemon were on the brink of death. After cheerfully
healing your Pokemon to full vitality, she says those cursed words. She WANTS to see you holding those
bruised Pokemon again. I always knew she was too sweet to be true!
Coffee-Loving Old Man
Professor Oak asks you to retrieve his parcel from Viridian City, and even offers you a rare Pokemon
to keep for yourself. You happily comply and after grabbing the parcel, you try to run off into the upper
parts of the city – into Viridian Forest. However, an old man blocks your path. It seems he hasn’t had his
coffee yet, which is why he’s lying on the ground (?) and proclaiming that you can’t go through – it’s
private property. Suspicious, but there’s nothing you can do. Return Oak’s Parcel, and receive the
Pokedex from him, and return. Oh joy, the old man has had his coffee! Now he’s up and about, allows
you to pass, and even uses one of his Pokeballs (which cost $200 each?!) to demonstrate how to catch
a Pokemon. The great thing that this teaches children is that coffee is the ultimate wake-up drug.
(Personally, I dislike coffee.)
Professor Oak
“Okay Gramps, I’ll fulfill your crazy dream of catching all 151 Pokemon for you!” Professor Oak’s reason
for giving you and Gary a Pokemon/Pokedex was because his old ass couldn’t get up and research them
himself. If you think about it, what happened when you tried to walk into the tall grass without a
Pokemon? Oak sprinted his apparently old body over and dragged you back. Had he said something like:
“I’m busy with laboratory research.” then I might have bought it, but “I’m too old for this.” was his final
answer. Think back to the TV series (if you even saw it); Oak was fricking everywhere: cheering at
tournaments, visiting at random faraway cities, and running around with Pokemon at his lab. Bottom line
was: this excuse was mighty suspicious, and Oak should just be glad that his request involved an epic
quest.
Magikarp Salesman
Just before you hit Mt. Moon, there’s a convenient Pokemon Centre set up for tired trainers, exhausted
Pokemon, and apparently, sleazy businessmen as well. By this point you’ve probably picked up a good
selection of Pokemon on your team, and leveled them up as well. Then a fat, balding man offers you a level
5 Magikarp that can only Splash about for $500. It was a clever placement, as many of us were probably
either unsure what a Magikarp was, or just was excited over the fact that we’d have another awesome
Pokemon on our team. Even more suspicious was when we received the Old Rod from the fisher, and
went fishing for the first time. And the second time. And the third. What did you keep pulling up? Level 5
Magikarps. That’s right, this dirty jerk probably fishes up Magikarp, stuffs them in Pokeballs, and sells
them for much more than what they’re actually worth. (As a note, do fish up a Magikarp later, because
his evolved form Gyarados, is awesome. Just don’t spend $500 on this hack.)
Fossil Nerd
You trek through the confusing Mt. Moon and finally, you reach the end. Blocking your path is a Super
Nerd that claims he found two fossils and that they’re both his. There are so many suspicious things about
this guy: first off, why didn’t he grab the fossils after finding them, and head to the exit (which is a few steps
from his location)? He also stands there, leaving his fossils on the floor. This is not a man who just found
the fossils and you happened to run by at that time. He’s been waiting there for you; and after complaining
to no extent that the fossils were his, you beat him in one fight and he easily gives up one. These fossils
even fascinate the genius minds at Cinnabar Laboratories, and this nerd happened to find two of them. It’s
a good thing he’s weak, retarded and a failure.
Random Lass
You escape Mt. Moon and head for Cerulean City. This path is really odd, because once you hop the
giant edges, there’s no way to return (until much later). Even more odd is the one lass who stands on the
top of these edges. You can stand there all day and wait for her, but she’ll stand there indefinitely. Later
on when you can Surf, you can go to her and challenge her in a battle, but what confused everyone was
why she was in such an inaccessible location. The funny thing is that she’ll wait there for you until you
grab Surf, which doesn’t happen until much later in the game.
Nugget Bridge Rocket
Recruiting takes on a whole new meaning when you beat the 5 trainers of Nugget Bridge. The guy at the
end looks normal enough, but then he starts going on about joining Team Rocket, and says (and I quote):
“Dedicated to evil using Pokemon!”. That’s damn freaky, and any trainer who beat the Nugget Bridge
weaklings all probably got this same message. What’s weirder is his on-screen sprite looks nothing like
his battle screen sprite. I deduced that it was to hide his identity as a Rocket, but once the battle is over,
his sprite doesn’t change either! And if he’s going to just shout “Join us, we’re Team Rocket!” anyways,
then what’s the point of a disguise? This guy makes me laugh every time I pass him.
Shady Bike Shop Owner
Wow, this guy takes the word “evil” to a whole new level. You enter Cerulean City after walking slowly
the entire game, and finally! A BIKE SHOP! So how much do I have to sa…and then it hits you. The crazy
ass shop owner is selling his bicycles for a ludicrous $1 million. And that’s great too, isn’t it, because your
fricking wallet only holds up to $999,999! Luckily, there are people with bigger wallets in this world it
seems, and you can get a bike voucher later on. But wow, seeing all those people who ride bikes in this
world; you’ll always wonder how they afforded such a valuable bike. There’s no other bicycle stores in
the game either, just so you know.
So wow, those are some suspicious people. And this is only Part 1 of the first games! Come back soon for
another article of Suspicious Pokemon Characters.